power of goodbye


This share is to limit the stories we tell ourselves:
to open our hearts + also protect them from harm,
as love is really a game of risk.
toying with anothers’ emotions is a devilish deed-- resulting in stories and sagas outlasting the natural course of when love affairs begin + end. even worse is trying to convince ourselves that it is a game to win. I don’t believe in mistakes, just lessons -- perhaps you will learn from mine.
Choose to be your first choice, and you will be chosen first.

In terms of the story —
after letting it sit for a bit, i can laugh, but learn because i have done this before. A romance short lived: chased by a man i wasn’t all that interested in—moreso intrigued, then opened my heart after telling myself stories. I love love - courtship, companionship, sharing + caring. But it leaves me wondering what i have not considered within, that i continue attracting unavailable creatures. If i am chased to open others’ hearts, (see post), who is here to care for mine?

A reminder to us all: to keep our hearts open, heads high, mindfully.
No mistakes, just lessons.
This story as a gentle reminder of the power of energy -- Do not seek what is not seeking you, no matter how elegantly it is presented. Find clarity between ego + heart, when it comes at you strong, when you are pursued or pursuing. Because love, while risky-- is meant to fuel hearts, not fill egos. A shared journey - rather than a self prophecy, reiterating the stories we tell ourselves. There is no chase, no win, no goal. It is a forever kind of feeling.  
A feeling which is not present, in this story, in this now.
So i have found the power of goodbye.

An end + a beginning

This ride has been fun. Random outreach. Instant connection. Excitement from the beginning. Thrill of the chase. Learning, touching, sharing, tasting, traveling, experiencing, but your heart is not open, so I must go. Im seeking a man who wants to be mine. A man. To care + take care. To listen and share. To provide comfort and excitement. To be my man. A partner first, lover second, learner third. I think we have the order skewed.I want a man whose flexibility is ever present. Willing + able to bend, not break. In more than just business. Rigid structures built on faulty foundations crumble quickly when there is a small crack. I seek more. The thrill of the chase is not thrilling to me. I want a man who is available to support my endeavors, be my critic + my fan. I want a man who wants me as I want him. an equal partnership. So while I have no answer to this short lived love affair, my solution for now is simply ciao. And thank you for being who you are, even if you may claim to seek more, the power of myth is powerful. Your actions are strong, your conviction is real, you go after what you want. And I dont feel your conviction enough in me. There is power in goodbye. Best wishes, all love. I’ve shared my heart + now i must protect what is mine.

A lesson to us all: Trust your intuition. Do not seek what is not seeking you. To know yourself is to grow yourself: Simply put, I knew it was over when it was over, and i allowed it to carry on two weeks too long. But even before that, sleep was stolen from me the moment i felt my gut keeping me up, my intuition leaving me restless at night, anxiously warning me that this love affair was not right. No harm, too surfaced to form a scar, just a small bruise that will heal in no time, leaving a small memory, in a chapter of my never ending story.

Protect your heart from hurt. But do not fear risking the possibility of love.
**and even with a little bruise, i got some good content. :)
#workhard livyoung.




fuel or fill?

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How do you liv your life? Spend your time?
Filling or being fulfilled?

Are you going thru the motions or making the most of what you have?
Fueling or filling?
connected or disconnected?
When you are connected to you -- your core, your desires, dreams + necessities, your perspective shifts. Your conversations change. Your relationships evolve, beginning with the relationship you have with yourself. it starts with you.

When connected, you are present in choosing to fuel your life instead of fill it. To fuel your body with what feels good instead of filling it with instant gratification of food, or sex or substance or the like. In connection, you fuel your time with work and love rather than fill it with placeholders + distractions to take up space. So-

Do you fuel or do you fill?
Your time. Your body. Your relationships.
Your work - does it fuel you or fill you?

With love: Is it comfortable or compatible? Does it fill space? Or do your relationships make you better? Fuel your soul? Challenge you to think different?
Or is it just physical love? The act of needing to be loved. For fear of being alone? maybe its just sex. And sex can fuel you, fulfill you, physically. But it can also fill - take up space + time, for fear of actual intimacy beyond just getting laid.

With work: Does it just fill time? Time spent pushing papers or fielding orders for something you aren’t passionate about. are you filling time watching the clock, pondering a dream you leave undiscovered? There is no thing wrong with not being passionate about what you do -- but there is concern if a job is tirelessly taking your soul. You can justify that it serves its purpose and provides you with what is needed to afford the life you liv, but match that with a hobby, a passion, something to fuel your soul. Your time is your life. Consider how you spend it.

With food: We’re humans. We love what we shouldn’t, eat what tastes good. treats and booze and make that a super size. But let’s consider digging deeper here.
What feels good - for you, in real time? How does your body respond when you feed it? Does it feel fueled or filled? When do you eat? When you’re hungry or bored or insecure or all of the above? Do you go for the 3rd cocktail because you aren’t working tomorrow or the first beer because you have an hour to kill? A slice of pizza on the go or the 4pm cappuccino or candy sugar rush? Instant gratification is delayed dis-ease. Take a second. Get present in the decisions that you make. Are you fueling your body or filling it?

We seek outward instead of looking within as a natural habit, as a human race. The cookie when we’re sad. The beer when we’re bored. The text to the ex when we’re feeling less than fulfilled. What if we switched our habits?

there is also the potential of finding magic in monontony- shifting our perspective to see what was once filling time as something that begins fueling your life. changing routine, challenging conversation, spicing up the sex, walking a different way to work. small changes make big differences. Your perspective is yours to switch, your choice.

Do you liv or do you exist?
Your work. Your time. Your life.
Your body. Your heart.
Are you fueling or are you filling?
Consider looking within. See what you see.
#workhard #livyoung




l o v e

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Life is exciting. Especially in emotion. With feeling. For someone, or something. A new flame. A new job. A new neighborhood.

In new attraction, a feeling that might become a connection, forever or fleeting.  Because everyone wants to be wanted. The only thing better, is if that wanting is mutual. the only thing real, is the ability to feel -- out of our thoughts, into our bodies, to maybe even open our hearts. Feeling is feeling, in real time. No planning allowed.

I assume we all find it curious when we are sought out, particularly in the game of love. Unabashedly so, i asked what prompted his outreach. he met my vulnerability with his own + answered, “i thought you could open my heart.” briefly blindsided, i considered what a burden to bear -- to open anothers’ heart, considering how challenging it is to open our own.

This led me down a mental maze of memories, relationships past -- emotions and wonder. Our emotions are our responsibility. Even allowing someone the power to “hurt” you is placing responsibility on another. When we are hurt in love, did we enter into those partnerships hurting? If it is true that we date ourselves, when we date an insecure human, we are also insecure. No one can fix you, or make you full. You must be full, first. And once full, the choice to let love in, relies on you.
But, we become hardened as we grow -- and take on the world, as the world takes us on. We resist opening up, scarred by past experience or guarded by fear of judgement or failure.
We carry the weight of our family history into relationships and hide behind our stories of hurt + heartbreak. The intrinsic childlike aura of love, sharing, caring, laughter + tears becomes costumed behind closed off adulthood, fearful of pain.
We are so fearful to feel yet we constantly crave connection.
How disconnected!

Fundamentally -- we are animals, born to procreate, physically inclined to touch + feel. We eat with our eyes. We want what we see. That carnal attraction is chemical, hormonal, and in real time, unplanned. -- to touch + be touched. But physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain long term love.

And while i don’t know much, i can tell you only thru my experience, that If you don’t want to f*ck on the first date, there is only a small chance this will change. So, no matter how great they look in photos, how good they look on paper, or how normal their family seems, or that they treat you like gold-- if you have zero interest in ripping their clothes off when you are STONE COLD SOBER, get out. we are all animals. Sexual chemistry cannot be justified via resume or dating app profile. You just gotta feel it.  

Once the physical checks out, then check under the hood - within + without. To find love is to feel love, for yourself first. fall in love with you: dark + light. good + bad. We all have demons. Embrace those too. It is thru darkness we grow. Self love allows for shared love. And with love, in love -- you open, you blossom, you share. Selfish to be selfless, because what is love without sharing, Everything: Laughter, conversation, success, failure, food, experience, emotion, desire + fear. and what is life without love? Lonely. To be loved, is to love. To be vulnerable is to be open. To be messy, sexy, raw + real. To indulge + devour, physically, mentally + spiritually.

and in love, you grow into or out of — together or apart. If energy pulls you together, you grow in love, and evolve together -- into better versions of yourselvesin a journey, an evolution, a discovery of us and our counterpart thru time + change, stability + unpredictability, trust + vulnerability. With unseen circumstances + unpredictable personalities. I recently heard someone say, “If you want love, be lovely.” Funny, but it resonated. And in all this love lesson, i dont think ive ever been in love. loved? yes. And obsessed, infatuated, yearned, and lost. But when you love your life, you become love. A hopeless romantic, we are the energy we attract + i feel so much love. But there is always more. To get + to give. There is nothing more real, then the ability to feel. Out of our thoughts and into our hearts. In real time. just like life, or a @boxandflow class, “it isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard.” ease over resistance, even in love.

#workhard #livyoung

officially o l i v i a

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Officially olivia. And changing everyday. Same me, but always different. Completely unpredictable. And totally unplanned.

We’re living in this age of infatuation. Outward obsession with appearance, testing ourselves to decipher real from fake. Which makes it even more thrilling to check under the hood, look within, and be open to learn more about you --- everyday.

Because connecting to you, results to deeper to everyone + everything around you.
This weekend thrilled me.
I opened up
And threw up
Was vulnerable in conversation, emotion, action + reaction. Vulnerable in teaching. Present in everything. Present to the point of indulging in 5 drinks, 5 drinks too many, and spending sunday AM, after teaching and during teacher auditions, throwing up in the box + flow bathroom, just after crying out of gratitude + fear, to a familiar stranger, in bed nonetheless.
To know yourself is to grow yourself.
To test your limits, and others. To learn more about you, everyday.
I’ll tell you this much, i’ve never felt so alive. And so nauseous.
I pushed boundaries, tested limits, ruffled feathers, and had mine ruffled.  
What do you do when interesting conversations come up and go down?

Wouldn’t life be boring if we didn’t allow ourselves to feel? Sad + surprise. Hope + hurt. Filled + fueled. Grateful + disappointed. I felt all of it. Within 24 hours. Laughed, cried, indulged, unhinged, messy in everything. All dressed up + all stripped down, and the one thing that stayed the same throughout. Was me. As i am. Same me but always different. With heart. And head. Crazy and composed. Officially olivia. As i am.

integrity

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Consistency creates commitment. Commitment creates change.

Truth be told, the longest relationship you have is with yourself -- If you consistently commit to yourself, your relationship with you changes. Harshest critic or biggest fan? Can you find balance in both? As our own worst enemies, it is unsurprising that our biggest challenge is standing up to ourselves. to face ourselves to free ourselves, show ourselves to be seen
And share ourselves with others, as we are.  

When you stand up for yourself TO yourself and TO others: when you ask the tough questions, answer honestly + stand your ground, you set a precedent. That precedent is a catalyst. the hard part becomes easy.

Thursday was an action packed, fun filled 20 hour day: 20 hours that disguises the most labor intensive part: me standing up for myself,
First to myself, and then to four others,

To protect my heart.
To protect my words.
To lead with integrity.

Box + flow is the vessel thru which i share my story, teachings + lessons:
strength, struggle + celebration. Duality of self, grit + soft. Messy as vulnerable, vulnerable as sexy. Shedding resistance, opening to ease, seeing yourself as you are. This balance, of fight + flow is (the #hardwork) that results in a feeling, #livyoung. My teachings are my words. Twice on thursday, my words were taken + used as one’s own. Without malice, no doubt, but taking intellectual property is the same as taking a bike. If its not yours, don’t take it. Rather, ask permission to borrow - and cite the source. I share my words, just as i share my heart. But, simultaneously must protect what is mine. We are so accustomed to letting things be, we talk ourselves out of protecting what is ours, we make excuses, take fault or blame, in all situations - work, life + love.

 "Shut up insecurity. Go away fear. Olivia, practice what you preach." and i did -- 4x, twice to protect my work and twice to protect my pride. I confronted my fear, spoke my mind, reclaimed my self respect, embraced the 3 seconds of discomfort in honor of me. Simply put, “you stole my shit -- my words, my feelings, -- no matter. same as confronting someone who stole your bike. When someone steals your work, your words, your emotion -- face it. Speak up. That feeling is real. And while it would have been more “comfortable” to let it be, i faced the discomfort to #flowthruthefight.

Why was i afraid to speak honestly, to be vulnerable?
Why are we so accustomed to making excuses when we are wronged?
Excuses delay the inevitable. If i had not said anything, I would still be thinking about it. commit to you. be the change. confidence is a choice -- as is insecurity. standing up to yourself, for yourself, is the hardest part, But once you choose you, Everything hard becomes easier. And if you don’t, Who will?
#workhard #livyoung

there will be time

I find i'm always teetering between moving too fast, worrying im moving too slow, and sometimes just feeling stuck altogether. I race to an unknown finish line, fixate on what didn’t happen and then come back to the constant reminder of ‘forever moving forward’...without getting stuck in past or future, rather being present in the process.
My reminder to be present is often also to slow down, take it all in, see the sights, feel the feels, taste the taste, hear the words, speak with purpose…
Pace > race.
Ever plan what you’re going to say without even letting the person finish speaking? Not listening, just planning.
Or assume an outcome of an interaction before even walking thru the door?
Because how we do anything is how we do everything, for me at least.
My default is to hurry, over plan, over commit -- suffocate even.
Our desire to control is real.

So i come back to my reminder of the power of presence.
Why eat, or rush to fill, if you don’t slow down + taste?
Why enter into a conversation without even listening,
just planning what to say next?
Why workout if you rush each movement, and plan the next,
without feeling your body work in the now, breath by breath.
We plan a wedding before the first date on the “idea of someone,” a job before the entry interview,
or saving the outfit for the “perfect occasion.”


We are so fixated on outcome - past or future.
Back to the present, my reminder to pace > race is real.
i run slower, eat to taste, date to love, sweat to feel, talk to listen, sleep to refuel.
I am here, now.
But as much as i write this for me, i also pose the question unto you.
I'm asking you to look within at your patterns, habits, excuses and tendencies.
Because if don’t ask, you won’t know.

I see it in my class at box + flow,
People rushing into the next pose,
Or giving up before its over
Or waiting for permission to start,
Or focused on the clock for all of it to end,
We are so busy planning what is next
That we miss the best part
The juicy center. The last bite. The punch line. EVEN our intuition giving us all of the answers we seek...
Because we are so busy focusing on everything else, except the NOW,
but now is all we have.
Pace > race. Present in everything.
Mumford & Sons said it best: "There will be time."

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opinion

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When you open up, opinions come in.
Funny how that works.
I got home last night from a nonstop day of sweat, stilletos + sardines, too sauced from one mezcal negroni to bother cooking. Elated from a day well done - nothing epic but not too shabby, and looking forward to rest before repeating it all again. But luck would have it that before i shut off my toys, a text would tip toe in, takeover my restful state and result in a restless night. An opinionated text, sent with good intentions, from a texter met in passing at a dive bar in montauk over bud heavys + stale gumballs: “as a 3rd party business owner, your Insta feed is way too much. Seems like you are a TRY HARD.
you are all over the place. not to insult or be mean, just feedback.”

Shot in the heart. For a second. A Deep breath in + quick consideration of his opinion.
Funny, my instagram is my own expression, me being me. no effort at all. trying to be anything else would be much more difficult. Rather, i take boomerangs at the beach, sweaty selfies lookin like a sea monster, instastory my sweet potatoes to start my day, sneaker pics from where i stand, smoothie recipes, work drama, love lessons, life lessons + the rest of it, the hard work + the celebration, always seeking balance. I choose confidence over insecurity and share life thru my lens: nothing manufactured, curated or planned. Sometimes i question my caption - and then claw thru my insecurity: what am i worried about? If its honest, to me, then its real. And if it sounds crazy, its because im a little crazy.

I dont photoshop, autocorrect or edit. My best writing is impulsive. When i fixate on detail and ask too many opinions, my message gets clouded. So - I just post. The good. The bad. The happy. The sad. Perfection is no longer a goal. How you gonna have a goal that aint real? I’m sharing a glimmer of life as i know it, sometimes “all over the place,” - my struggle + success, how i work hard to #livyoung...thru confidence + fear, ease over resistance, to find celebration in the smallest of things. Life, as i know it, is usually all over the place -- extremes in a sense -- always aiming to meet back in the middle --- to balance, to connection, to myself. I am me. Just as you, are you. Self defined. The best people are often the ones who don’t always make the most sense.

Opinions are powerful, because they are yours. Share them. Lets discuss. and also discuss why judgement, comparison + insecurity are such an epidemic. People try so hard to please others. Ive been there. And i wont go there again. instead, i accept me as i am. actually, i celebrate me, ALL flaws included. I work hard to find balance, to be present in this moment, full well knowing that nothing will ever be as calculated as that because we are human -- complex layered creatures with emotions + needs. We are dark + light, ego + heart, connected + disconnected. life is not that linear, curated, or “all in one place.” And i am incapable of influencing people otherwise, Rather, i will stand behind my message of authenticity, of what’s under the hood, in my caption, in my story, in my heart.

Authenticity is honesty.
It begins with how you see yourself. Because perception of others,
is a reflection of self,
it always comes back to you.
Self definition is your definition.
Me? Im just tryna be me. I am as quirky as i seem. As put together - and pulled apart as i look.
Our best versions of self are not what is most aesthetic. They are what is most authentic.
And my bill of goods is as real as it gets. Messy is sexy. Lean in or opt out. Any questions?
#workhard #livyoung

 

sleep

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A beginning + an ending.
after a long day, there is Nothing I look forward to more than cold sheets + sweet dreams.
a Restful night to recharge and reset

Feet up. Head heavy. Engulfed in piles of pillows + supported, after carrying the weight of my day + its stories. My body melts down. My bed holds me up.
Finally the chance to let go
until tomorrow. And when sunrise hits, I spring out of bed.
With no expectation or anticipation.
A new day, with new adventure.

Last night i slept for 12 hours.
Birthday weekend kicked my ass. Fresh leap into the week, 4am wakeups, workouts, workings, meetings, meet ups, and then a meat up wednesday night. Bowery meat company bone in filet and mezcals (x3).  
See i know my limits + set my boundaries. But when Chef Capon is cooking, all limits become limitless. Body craved steak. I gave it the goods. Along with insisted extras like dairy, dessert + top shelf liquors.
But the bodies we liv in are machines. 
We fuel them or fill them.
But fuel for me is different than fuel for you.
With the wrong gas, the whole system reacts.

Dairy, sugar, alcohol, gluten, dry aged meat, and the like...i do it. But not often.
2 drink minimum violated, sleep interrupted, a shell of a human yesterday.
I was so present in my meat up that i forgot i was meant to give blood the following morning.
Woke up, walked across manhattan bridge, sat down to give blood + passed out as usual.
But my most vivid visions come when i pass out -- so its worth it, perhaps. But the trick is remembering them when i come back to life. No dice this time.  After birthdays, booze, blood, black out… last night i needed to reset + recharge. Sleep brings me clarity + 12 hours was what the body ordered.
If efficiency is what you seek, start to listen to what you need.
sleep is my medicine.
recharged + back to balance, this morning, i rise + run.
Running is not my habit. My habit is breaking habits, eliminating excuses.
Excuses delay the inevitable, and there is no excuse not to run, except injury.
Nothing extra needed, No matter where i am in the world, i am free to run,
Except in china. which is why i dont like china. I dont feel safe, i dont feel free.

In connection with my body, I listen. I feed it steak as it wishes, move it as it requests, sleep to reset and celebrate, always, allowing wiggle room in to break self imposed rules + liv without limit. because rigidity is not the way forward. So in the spirit of fun, who’s in new york city this weekend?
Work can wait til monday. And if i email you, please reply “not today.”
There is a good chance i will resist, but you can ease me out of it.
Out of resistance, yes. Out of my bed, probably not.
Because without sleep, i am not much fun at all.

#balance is the goal. TGIF.

#workhard #livyoung

 

birthday anxiety

Anyone else get anxious about planning your birthday?
See, I’m a recovering over analyzer
recently committed to thinking less + feeling more,
out of planning + into #LIVing.
but every year as August 4 creeps up, I get anxious thinking about what I “should do”
And in years past when I haven’t planned anything, I cant help but wish I had- until i'm reminded that everything is meant to be.

Reminiscing years passed,

24 in NYC: new job. dinner by Michael White, black lace dress + nude louboutins followed by an unplanned rendezvous to meet a handsome dark haired suitor at boom boom room til sunrise. The same dark eyed suitor who arrived at my door with boozy slushies from his restaurant + a limo waiting downstairs to take me to brooklyn and take away my peter lugers virginity.

25 was complicated. I convinced myself that i found love (with the wrong man). my gut had the answers,but my heart insisted otherwise. I had no doubt we’d get married + everything wrong would become right. As such, my parents flew up to meet him for dinner at Commerce. The food filled the empty conversation, the table overflowed with enough food to stuff our faces + numb our emotions + my mom successfully stayed silent the entire meal. Everything about the evening was a failure. But the cherry on top? As soon as the prized 40 minute black truffle roast chicken arrived, i anxiously whipped my hand up + watched it fly across the room. If those walls could talk, they would have said RUN.

Fast forward a few years of failed relationships + autopilot behaviors. Too much planning. Not enough living. Focused on future + outcomes all out of my control.

At 29, i planned a party + then cancelled in favor of a @raya match cross country arrival into NYC. a blind date on my birthday, celebrating with a stranger - shows how much i valued myself. rooftop drinks at 60 Thompson + dinner at via carota with a dating app date who was the exact opposite of love at first sight. within 2 minutes of meeting, i knew id never see him again. Pro tip: don’t go on a blind date on your birthday if you have any self worth. If a birthday is at all telling of a year to come, this was certainly the start of one of the most mentally challenging years of my life. You can call it Saturn Return, or just something complicated. It was.

The summer of 30 was spent back + forth to my happy place out west, to find solace in my favorite yoga teacher, clear air, cold beer and higher altitude. Unsettled in work, in self, and in love, iI was running away from me to find myself. my mom joined me in New York for moral support + cocktails with friends at a french wine bar, dressed in camo to hide my depression. The majority of 29 to 30 had me seeking answers outward - not yet grasping that “everything you need is inside.” my internal struggle stemmed from my uncertain future. The unknown felt dim - yet my life looked so perfect. My “perfect” job was unchallenging + my “perfect” relationships all failed. I was fearless in life but fearful of judgement, commitment + destination unknown. Overnight something changed, i chose me.  after months of ruminating, i become present in my life, signed my lease and was off to the races.

31 brought freedom: 10 months into opening box + flow, finally feeling free to be me--  free enough to leave work + spend a weekend in Amagansett with my parents + exbf at the most magical Inn at Windmill Lane. Sunset dinner Duryeas filled with love, laughter + lobster, but not in love, at all. A most perfectly choreographed weekend was somewhat silent - with unsaid words + unsubstantial feelings. Perfect on paper + the most genuinely gentleman, but attraction is physical. It’s sexual. It’s chemical.
you can’t plan it, or fake it.
You gotta feel it.
I didn’t. We broke up a few weeks later.

So perhaps more planning should be had for 32.
The funny part is, in all years past, the plans, fears, feelings + failures, today I stand tall as I am + where I am. I am just living life. The journey of it. The experience of it. The fantasies, the fun + the failure.
THAT in itself is the most reason to celebrate.
What is life without love? Unsure, because i am confident in saying that i love my life.
And i will find love when it finds me.
Lets celebrate. #workhard #livyoung

in search of

 no makeup. no bullshit I’m just asking the universe for what I want: IN SEARCH OF a partner, to create change with, build + grow together, with my team. I am self funded, self made + just barely scratching the surface. not looking for “just a check” nor am I willing to sell my soul. it is about  #balance . no risk, no reward. hope to hear from you soon.

no makeup. no bullshit
I’m just asking the universe for what I want:
IN SEARCH OF a partner,
to create change with,
build + grow together, with my team.
I am self funded, self made + just barely scratching the surface. not looking for “just a check” nor am I willing to sell my soul. it is about #balance.
no risk, no reward.
hope to hear from you soon.

apparently, George Bernard Shaw once said, “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”

I am among those people: a visionary, a north star, an entrepreneur.

I am also a subpar manager, like a kid in a toy store, i am often distracted from one shiny toy to the next - idea hopping, as my brain constantly creates. Visionary energy fuels me, i need an integrator to ground me + build with me.

I am looking for a partner.

I have certainly hired the wrong people + similarly dated the wrong men.
No mistakes, just lessons, and
It is time i choose right. (partner + man)

Is this you? Serious inquiries only - unless you make me laugh, in which case,
come at me bro. SEE below.

I am in search of a partner, an integrator, the glue. Preferably someone who likes to dot the i’s + cross the t’s. MUST BE detail oriented. Procedural. A practical thinker who is unemotional, grounded, pragmatic + potentially has built a business before. You must work well with visionaries + free spirits, be  entrepreneurial, a self starter...with financial acumen. You are a decisive CFO/COO type interested in scaling a startup business into new revenue streams + markets. You are unafraid to get messy - willing to listen + be heard, like creative energy but wholly focused on strategy + execution, budget management, cost benefit analysis, forecasting, marketing + building. 
You don’t just see the big picture, you create the road map to bring the big picture to life with myself + my team. TOGETHER, we make magic.

unconcerned if you have an interest in fitness. my vision transcends the physical. it is about struggle + celebration. food + fitness. connection + balance. workhard + LIVYOUNG.
if this is you, contact me directly to discuss via facebook, info@boxandflow.com, or DM.
if you think there is something here, please reach out.
RISK is what makes the world go round.

for basic info see the blog + http://boxandflow.com

creativity + zoodles

I have committed to create more than I consume. to continue capturing my best self thru my creative feats. A fitness concept to start — an open canvas to connect to others as I connect to myself. To force feeling, vulnerability, open up + dig in. cooking is also creating. connecting to the craft of food shared + consumed. to fuel my body instead of fill it - with creativity, with connection.

Oodles of zoodles with coconut oil, capers, crushed paper, octopus + Krispy kale. tenderly twirled to chopsticks, before messily slurping excess juice bowl to mouth + finished with fingertips wiped down the sides. creativity just tastes better. The process, the journey almost more enjoyable then the outcome. But this was pretty damn good. recipe below.

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Oodles of zoodles, coconut oil, capers, crushed paper, octopus + Krispy kale.

a good amount of zucchini noodles (i made seconds)
tbsp coconut oil
1/2 tbsp capers, drained
1 can matiz octopus in oil
handful of curly kale
fresh cracked pepper (i use trader joes everday seasoning)

heat non stick pan to high. add coconut oil + wait until smoking. add zucchini noodles + saute. throw in capers to combine. use some of oil from octopus can to glaze zoodles. cover with lid + allow zucchini to soften. transfer to bowl when cooked thru. top with cracked pepper. add tablespoon of reserved oil back to smoking hot skillet. add kale. cover with lid. start to brown, crisp. watch carefully as it crisps. remove as it begins to brown, just before it burns. serve atop zoodles.

i tenderly twirled zoodles to chopsticks, before messily slurping excess juice - bowl to mouth + finished with fingertips wiped down the sides. creativity just tastes better. The process, the journey almost more enjoyable then the outcome. But this was pretty damn good.
#workhard #livyoung.

work hard + livyoung ( + a recipe)

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my hustle + motivation is what grounds me, keeps me centered, focused, yet free.
it is my blessing + my curse -- gives me freedom + drives me mad. asking for help is a new skill - a new area - unchartered territory. im used to just buckling up + getting shit done.

here is a snap shot of my day:

  • 530am wakeup. later than usual. nespresso. sweet potato + coconut oil, crushed pepper + sea salt. eat with hands while ferociously typing my anxious feelings about my unpcoming birthday.
  • 630am write, answer emails, sneakers on. off to yoga.
  • 7am yoga at lyons den chelsea
  • 815am race to noho + teach box + flow
  • 930am meeting at box + flow
  • 11am coffee + snacks: body wanted brazil nuts, dates, la colombe coffee + apple for crunch.
  • rush home to reconnect, re-center + recommit to my day and myself. with constant movement + mind on, i am best when im breathing, at a normal not belabored pace. (this is where the yoga comes in)
  • 1130 emails, shower, glamsquad, hair, makeup, dress (as i write this + answer emails)
  • 130pm purewow photoshooot top 100 women (reason to celebrate, no?) -- uber breaks down on the way. a good moment to reminder + slow down.
  • 330pm - 530pm meetings into
  • 630 date (gotta make time + space for love)
  • the rest is up for grabs

i am packed with plans but planning doesnt suit me. i dont own an alarm clock or a calendar. i know where i need to be, often a few moments behind + breathe thru the process. i coach myself as i coach my students to lean in with ease - grounded in confidence, committed to self. but my journey is bigger than me, which is where my team comes in. where i start to ask for help. where i make space for fresh ideas, perspectives, opinions + conversations. asking for help is a skill in itself. its starting to feel good. im beginning to understand that people want to build + grow with me, to change the world, together. your vibe attracts your tribe - and i only want high vibes.

with that, the idea of celebration comes back to mind. its no wonder that celebrating often feels like more work than work. with all this hustle i have to make time to let it all feel good, to embrace my accomplishments, my hard work, hustle + team work, in time for my birthday. to take a second, ask for help + enjoy everything i have -- that is my work. to slow down, to celebrate, to livyoung.

**drinks date offered dinner, i opted out + came home + cooked. there is something about creating, cooking, nourishing that tastes better than just consuming. so i did:
Oodles of zoodles with coconut oil, capers, crushed paper, octopus + krispy kale.
recipe, here.


#workhard #livyoung