two years in


I woke up wondering who or what ever made me think i wasn’t good enough?

Today box + flow turns 2. 2 years ago, i opened the doors at 55 bond street, with little idea of who, what, where, how or why...but the front door had my answers.
You got this Olivia. Everything you need is inside.
My gut knew i could. My heart led the way. And i did.
I shut off the distractions. The naysayers. The doubters. And the self doubt. And i did.

And in two years, I have learned more about myself than I have ever known. And perhaps shared more of me than you ever wanted to know. But so it goes, as i delicately  *and not so delicately learn the balance of sharing vs. saving in business and in life. And simultaneously owning my power as a human, a woman, an entrepreneur, as Olivia.

But this power of reflection weighs heavy on me,
as i bask in the success of my doors still open after two years,
sadness shadows over me as I think of all of us who’ve been told we aren’t good enough -- and actually believe such falsehood. and sadness for those who
don’t actually see their worth, and own their power.
But the irony therein is that I am among them or us at times,
When fear overcomes me,
Or anxiety cripples me
Or outward projection invades my inward self love..
And then I just go back to my mission: To keep on keeping on,
the foundation of box + flow, to #flowthruthefight, and the feeling that is livyoung. To celebrate, always + start with you, first.

This two year journey, has brought growth thru success + failure,
And as i hack thru the walls to build on what i started, and build a team to build with me,
i must remember, i am not so alone.I awoke from a nightmare just last night, deep sleep interrupted not in fear of halloween horrors or someone hiding under my bed, rather fear of no one at all. It is rare i remember dreams, but this one stood out because i stood alone, on the eve of opening alone two years ago. My nightmare was a vision of a boy in his home, watching one by one as his loved ones left-- not taken, or killed. Just leaving.  

To me, New York City is the lonliness place in the world -- with millions of people craving connection yet so afraid to feel. So i seek feeling in all that i do, even simply thru smiles with strangers. Opening box + flow is me sharing my heart with the world,
my struggle thru resistance to feel ease - in everyday life, with sweat as my therapy,
to let go of my fight + find my flow.
And even today, when i let go of resistance, life is easier.
I lead with my heart open, head high, real vulnerable in real time,
perhaps just to feel less alone.
So, yes i will save a part of me for me,
But not at the risk of waking up with night sweats in fear of being lonely,
and I will continue to feel - even if in this day + age, it is so much easier not to.

Two years in + my forehead is a little more wrinkled,
I am a little less forgiving + a little less trustworthy.
But my eyes + ears are wide open.
And as my dreams grow, so does my trust in self.
My heart is bigger, I stand taller, + i flowthruthefight,
Now more than ever, I workhard to livyoung.

livboldOlvia YoungComment