you want to take a photo of me? no thank you. selfies? hard stop. you're shocked, i know -- considering these days my whole feed is filled with photos of my face. It took me 30 years to let my photo be taken, to take a photo myself. today I take selfies, to face myself, to expose me, as I am, messy, raw, real. Face yourself to free yourself. Your fantasies, failures, fabulous + flawed. Face yourself, as you are, strip down the facade. connect to you. let your heart shine.
These thoughts came to me as I checked into my hotel in LA. it seems like the first thing I do at a hotel is check out the mini bar situation. snack time in real time. But why? Am I hungry? Perhaps. But truth is, I usually check in alone. My loneliness led me to fill. it always has. with food, booze, boys, — instant gratification pushes us to seek outward, for a quick fix to fill our feelings. for me, it isn't addiction - it is lubrication. lubricating to ease my loneliness thru a minibar snack, a beer, a boyfriend, - outward attention to fill me within. lubricating until I looked deeper, connected within, found greater purpose + faced myself.
i found beauty in my depth, my crazy, my individuality. in all of it: my 5am wake ups, breakfast before sunrise, running to feel free, sweat til i'm rinsed...my drive to change the world. my messy in everything- speak, sweat, eat, feel. i say what is on my mind, work til my brain buzzes, fall asleep before 8 + celebrate always. I faced myself to feel myself. To fuel myself. To fill myself. To find the balance between being my harshest critic + biggest fan. I stopped running away from me + started coming closer -- connecting to my desires, letting go of my fears + excuses. I became honest with myself about my ugly, became truthful with my heart about my needs.
are you willing to face you? to be honest about what you are filling with?
because If the answer isn’t self love, then what are you hiding from?
These days, me taking photos of me isn’t because im “prettier” or skinnier—- i was certainly younger + skinner before - emptier, detached, searching, filling. I am no longer hiding my hurt, my stories + lessons — I am sharing my heart with open arms, exposing myself, to further connect to my surroundings, because beauty from within is real. And as we face ourselves, our true beauty shows throughout.
heart exposed. head dismissed.
perfection is imperfect.
messy is sexy.
are you willing to come undone to connect to you?
face yourself to free yourself