l o v e
Life is exciting. Especially in emotion. With feeling. For someone, or something. A new flame. A new job. A new neighborhood.
In new attraction, a feeling that might become a connection, forever or fleeting. Because everyone wants to be wanted. The only thing better, is if that wanting is mutual. the only thing real, is the ability to feel -- out of our thoughts, into our bodies, to maybe even open our hearts. Feeling is feeling, in real time. No planning allowed.
I assume we all find it curious when we are sought out, particularly in the game of love. Unabashedly so, i asked what prompted his outreach. he met my vulnerability with his own + answered, “i thought you could open my heart.” briefly blindsided, i considered what a burden to bear -- to open anothers’ heart, considering how challenging it is to open our own.
This led me down a mental maze of memories, relationships past -- emotions and wonder. Our emotions are our responsibility. Even allowing someone the power to “hurt” you is placing responsibility on another. When we are hurt in love, did we enter into those partnerships hurting? If it is true that we date ourselves, when we date an insecure human, we are also insecure. No one can fix you, or make you full. You must be full, first. And once full, the choice to let love in, relies on you.
But, we become hardened as we grow -- and take on the world, as the world takes us on. We resist opening up, scarred by past experience or guarded by fear of judgement or failure.
We carry the weight of our family history into relationships and hide behind our stories of hurt + heartbreak. The intrinsic childlike aura of love, sharing, caring, laughter + tears becomes costumed behind closed off adulthood, fearful of pain.
We are so fearful to feel yet we constantly crave connection.
Fundamentally -- we are animals, born to procreate, physically inclined to touch + feel. We eat with our eyes. We want what we see. That carnal attraction is chemical, hormonal, and in real time, unplanned. -- to touch + be touched. But physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain long term love.
And while i don’t know much, i can tell you only thru my experience, that If you don’t want to f*ck on the first date, there is only a small chance this will change. So, no matter how great they look in photos, how good they look on paper, or how normal their family seems, or that they treat you like gold-- if you have zero interest in ripping their clothes off when you are STONE COLD SOBER, get out. we are all animals. Sexual chemistry cannot be justified via resume or dating app profile. You just gotta feel it.
Once the physical checks out, then check under the hood - within + without. To find love is to feel love, for yourself first. fall in love with you: dark + light. good + bad. We all have demons. Embrace those too. It is thru darkness we grow. Self love allows for shared love. And with love, in love -- you open, you blossom, you share. Selfish to be selfless, because what is love without sharing, Everything: Laughter, conversation, success, failure, food, experience, emotion, desire + fear. and what is life without love? Lonely. To be loved, is to love. To be vulnerable is to be open. To be messy, sexy, raw + real. To indulge + devour, physically, mentally + spiritually.
and in love, you grow into or out of — together or apart. If energy pulls you together, you grow in love, and evolve together -- into better versions of yourselves…in a journey, an evolution, a discovery of us and our counterpart thru time + change, stability + unpredictability, trust + vulnerability. With unseen circumstances + unpredictable personalities. I recently heard someone say, “If you want love, be lovely.” Funny, but it resonated. And in all this love lesson, i dont think ive ever been in love. loved? yes. And obsessed, infatuated, yearned, and lost. But when you love your life, you become love. A hopeless romantic, we are the energy we attract + i feel so much love. But there is always more. To get + to give. There is nothing more real, then the ability to feel. Out of our thoughts and into our hearts. In real time. just like life, or a @boxandflow class, “it isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard.” ease over resistance, even in love.