balance

I’ve never worked so much
And slept so little
Not because I am up working
But because my brain doesn’t always like to listen to my body
I jump in bed and it jumps onto the next topic
We write novels together, underneath my covers
As i beg my brain to just
Shut
Down.
For someone who preaches balance,
My life is currently all but balanced.
The past year has been void of deep sleep,
Except for those sweet sporadic evenings of hibernation,
10 hour bouts of darkness + stillness,
To recenter myself.
I collect sleep like camels collect water
To sustain me for the week
To keep me sane
But im tired
The thing is, i have a dream.
And i can’t 100% rely on anyone but me to make my dreams come true -- a big burden to bare, and
you can’t win a war with no warriors,
But there is a reason leaders lead and the sacrifice that often comes in the form of solitude, the loneliness that fills me when balance escapes me, Which is no doubt why entrepreneurship, while the shiny toy of millential culture, is not for everyone.

But me? I was made for this, and the manageable bouts of solitude + sleepless nights: the will to win, the want for more. I don’t start what i can’t finish + i don’t play to lose.
Not for the thrill, but for the kill. The long game, the sustainability factor, the marathon.
Balance will always be my challenge -- not just in work but in love + in play, because i play the extremes. I go in deep and hard, in conversation, connection, creation.
I dont skate on the surface, i dont do things for the applause. I seek more. And more seeks me.
Polarizing? Sure. Because such intensity lacks balance when the intensity is turned on, focused. I feel it.

fullsizeoutput_2251.jpeg

2019 is the year for growth, personally + professionally. In love + in war. Aka business.
So, while Self awareness is my best skill, balance is my greatest challenge, and i believe it might always be. But challenge fuels me + dreams require conviction, commitment + consistency, to make true...So today I work more than i play + think more than i sleep--But my committment is unwaivering and will not settle for complacency from me or anyone else. No distractions: i am fueling my time instead of filling it- my body, my life or otherwise. Im going on a full week without sporadic stops to the candy store, Because once i pop, the fun don’t stop -- not in excess but in habit: that well managed under $2 daily dose of Dylans Candy Bar to satisfy my sweet tooth belly full of poison, is not fueling my life. Its filling empty space.
This year i am saddling up big to bigger expectations of me, from me. This is the year to create my best version of self so far, and ideally find more balance along the way.
Consistency creates commitment. Commitment creates change. Be your change.
it is hard work to livyoung, to be your best self. Lets do this together, for the long run. You in?
I am. for both the struggle + the success. I know what i have + what i don’t and i’m ready for more (and sometimes less). Now i just need to manage it all, to delegate along the way, to grow.

I don’t want to be a butterfly---You know, the caterpillar that blossoms.
I want to be a ninja that learns, that moves seamlessly when no one is watching, that holds knowledge and power, physically and mentally, that is ever evolving into a better version of themself. The quiet assassin that surprises — who balances confidence and heart Comes from a place of love, not war. But always serves a purpose, uses what she has, relies on her instinct, her will, her strength. I dont need to be the loudest to be the strongest. I just need to flow thru the fight, with grace + ease, rooted in strength + will. To build big dreams, big teams, and a big life. After all, the best fighters are dancers. Forever seeking balance. #workhard #livyoung