I box + I flow. Its not A thing. Its my thing. My everyday commitment – to me. My therapy. Boxing gives me confidence. Yoga forces me to feel. When I don’t box, I get soft. When I don’t flow, I get hard. Simple. The power in opposition -- grit + soft, dark and light of, struggle and success of everyday life, the hard work which makes me feel alive, #livyoung. The cathartic release of energy breath movement and music is box + flow. Not fitness, but feeling. As a parallel to life, choosing ease over resistance, we #flowthruthefight.
I started it to share with the world. But just before I did, life became dark and inner turmoil ate me inside. I quit my job + my ex boyfriend, contemplated my purpose, and simultaneously stopped boxing. My confidence escaped me. My head took over my heart. I lost faith in me. Eventually I pulled myself out and jumped in. I was scared to make my passion my business. I was scared I’d lose the magic by changing my relationship with the fuel that keeps me free. But I had a choice-- to take a risk, to flow with or fight against, me. I leaned in.
I flow everyday. I box a few times a week. I still practice what I preach, no excuses.
But I have a confession.
I don’t take my class, often.
It makes me anxious. I fear seeing a version of myself in weakness.
I know I need to. But I get this knot in my stomach. My heart starts beating faster. The excuses come up. And I have to face myself. I suppose it might be like going to see your child perform—- holding your breath and clenching your fists and hoping they don’t crumble. Because you want to see them fly.
Chefs don’t eat in their restaurants. Why? There is always something wrong. The lighting, the noise, the food, the service, the feeling. Box + flow exists because I am my harshest critic + biggest fan. Confident, I believed in myself enough to bring it to the world, but it only grows because I am hard enough on myself to know that it is never good enough– unrelenting, perhaps a bit insecure. I will support it and criticize it. Same as I do myself, And my team. If we’re not growing, we’re stuck. If we’re not moving forward, we’re staying where we are.
But when it comes to experiencing my baby in real time, I shutter. Why? Because box + flow in many ways, is me - a reflection of me – my first born. When someone insults it, they’re insulting me. But that’s the reason why I should be sure it is TOP. So I train my team, in life. I listen to class, from outside the room. An excuse. I’m a hypocrite. Face yourself to free yourself is my tag line. Flow thru the fight is my religion! But yet, I resist it. Come on Olivia – “it” (life, love, work, taking your class) isn’t easy but it doesn’t have to be so hard.
I switched my perspective last night.
I jumped in.
And with a glass of white wine and some bar nuts in my belly – liquid courage, loose plans and a little fuel -- Void of a leotard, but excuses aside – I showed up. No bra, nipples out, no problems. Dark room, no mirrors, and even if there were, who cares? I was there to be free.
The music was loud. My heart was racing. My head was off. My body was on. I sweat, fought, flowed, dance thru the resistance. My fear, hesitation, worry, insecurity…I let go.
And after 35 minutes of HIIT boxing, 9 rounds on a heavy bag to shed my dark,
I found my back, on my mat, with my eyes closed, hips open, breath loud, hands on heart.
In that moment,
Yet again I received the ever necessary remind,
No fear. Just here. You got this.
I started box + flow for one reason. To feel.
To share feeling. Thru the dark. The mess. The raw. The real.
I teach it. I speak it. I show it. I share it.
And last night,
it showed me.
There is magic in the four walls you built with your hands. There is magic in the team that has chosen you. There is vigor in the community we are building. There is love in the message we are spreading. There is strength thru struggle, there is freedom, From within.
I felt it.
The feeling I wanted to feel, I wanted you to feel.
I feel it.
I say it all the time. Face yourself to free yourself.
Last night, I did.
I left what I didn’t need. I held onto what I have.
We crave connection yet are so afraid to FEEL.
Because we FEAR rejection.
But if we connect to ourselves, first – to our confidence, to our heart -- fear softens,
and we strengthen. When we face ourselves, to free ourselves, as we #flowthruthefight.
If you haven’t been to class, Go.
If you are willing to look within Or if you just want to sweat your face off, with no judgement, no bra, hell no pants (yes, a man took his pants off. all good).
My apple watch read a higher calorie rate burned than ANYTHING else I do for 50 minutes (besides running or boxing mitts). And yes, I do it all.
It may be my dream, but i credit my team. Energy sees energy. #grateful
Funny how quickly things can change when you make space for change.
I’m pretty sure I wrote about feeling ungrateful just last week.
A shift in perspective, is always a choice. Ease over resistance.
Are you flowing with or fighting against, you?
I’m all flow baby. Right now at least #wink
Forever practicing. Moment to moment. #flowthruthefight.