dating doubt

Mirror selfies and self reflection - waking up to celebrate both life + feeling alive.
Because along this journey, of self discovery, i have a newfound self awareness, connected to others’ pleasure and pain. I hear laughter and feel happy or see sadness, self doubt and cry.

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i was running on the west side highway saturday, with pep in my step as i bounced buoyantly on the pavement, so aLIVe, until i saw a biker face down on the concrete, not moving, no life. Now, i didn't see him fall just the aftermath. and i went from LIVING to literally crying because i felt his pain.

This self awareness carried over me today as i snapped my morning selfie, in a token ex boyfriend’s tee, and then the tears returned,
I cried for us this morning. For all of us,
who at times, have lost belief in ourselves, questioned our confidence and enabled self doubt.
I cried for us, for letting outward opinions forward our insecurity. I cried for the experiences we’ve had, that resulted in our sacrifice of self love, that left us with feeling less than. That lack of self love which leaves us incapable to love one another.
I cried for us today. For all of us. In sadness and guilt that i am among us,
who at times has not loved Me enough to be loved at all.

And then i cried for you.
Because i acknowledge my dark side + commit to growing from it. I have embraced me as me, love me as i am, and continue to grow into my best self as my lightness offsets my harshness, and my #workhard is balanced by my love of celebration.
See this life is a journey, of learning and growing and living and loving. It never ends. There is no “there,” but i have found a place of comfort: with a healthy dose of ego + a whole lot of heart, and too many self hating ex boyfriend tees.

I cried for those among us who smear self hate, hidden behind a surfaced smile to mask self doubt because it will always seem easier to slap it on than to feel at all-- But to free yourself, you must face yourself:  see your flaws + embrace those too, to be Just As You are.
I cried for you today, because you can’t see you like we do,
brave + bold, strong + kind, so much more than you give yourself credit for.
I cried because we are better than this.
But it is a choice to turn off the noise, to find a better balance between critic + fan,
to embrace ourselves, dark and light.

But to do so, we must lead with love, for ourselves, from within,
because the only way to win this cruel game of judgement, comparison, and the resulting insecurity, is to Love ourselves and let us be loved.
To See ourselves to be seen.

I snapped a morning selfie, to see myself today in hope that
as we enter this holiday season, we find the gratitude, the grace, the gracefulness, to celebrate
all that we have, and all that we are.

Among family + fun, can we we find peace within to allow patience for others? Forget judging + comparing, rather focus on the energy we can control, that which we carry + share.
Let's choose kindness, free spirit and love - less fight, more fun.
Full - not empty. From within.
Love of self is what enables love of others.
And judgement of others is always a projection of self.


But sharing is caring, so I gladly give you my tears,
but i will share them whilst wearing your softest tees.
Grateful. #workhard #livyoung