empty

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I believe so deeply in humanity.
Connection.
The power of collaboration.
Self love. The human experience.
You are the energy you attract.
You get what you give.
We are better together.
I believe in people. And myself,
roughly 98% of the time.
And sometimes i just feel empty.
Depleted.
Used.
Sad.
Alone.

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See i have this dream. Many dreams. Big ones. To change the way we speak to ourselves. To each other. The way to relate to us + everything around us.
That there is power in perspective, that life is not easy but it doesn’t have to be so hard.
To flow thru the fight. Ease thru transition.  
That there will always be room for more - growth, love, balance. To liv, not limit. Be bold.
Feel everything. So i do. Even the bad.
And 2% of the time i feel used, and alone. Like my sad fridge this morning. empty,
With hints of hope. Signs of celebration. Highs + lows. Bud heavys + bottles of krug.

See i give. So much of me. So much of the time. As a choice. For nothing in return. For no other reason than it makes me feel good. I want to share that energy, emotion, love, self love. Thru box + flow, my words, actions, and my heart + mostly thru my willingness to see people as they are, because i woke up one day and decided see myself.

I am selfish, sure. But you must be selfish to be selfless.
And with all the giving, i realize more and more how often so many just take.
Take what they can. Whatever they can. Take your money, time, advice, beers from the fridge, hand weights, hand wraps, petty cash, corporate card, monthly retainers, take your words + ideas as their own, your assets as their artwork, your methods as their invention, take your heart. As long as it isn’t nailed down, its up for grabs.
That’s when it gets complicated.
You give and you give. And you wonder, who is there to give to you?
So you give to yourself. Whatever you can.

I do not give to get.
I do not show up to fit in.

Im just me. Happy, energetic, open, present, 98% of the time. Its taken a hell of a lot of hard work to get here, but to livyoung 98% of the time, is worth it.
But i stand out. Ive had to accept that people either repel me or welcome me. Judge me, or open up to me. Part of me embracing all of me is accepting that i am polarizing; strong conviction with flexible perspective.
And that ill never just fit in.
And with that self definition, came self acceptance and a small sense of sadness.
And wonder:
How can you be everything to everyone and still be enough for yourself?
I imagine parents might feel like this too. When their children are ungrateful.
When you put yourself out there, people will take. You will harden. And i have.
But i don’t know how to harden enough to hold back. Because i want to lean in.
I want to learn more. I want to open my heart + hold my head high.
I just dont want to get hurt.
Because the more that i give, the more there is to take.
And for better or worse, it hurts, sometimes.
And then i come back to my 98% of hope, and happy. And start right where i left off, but with a few more bruises and a reminder that no matter what,
all i have to be is me. That is enough.
Self definition is your definition.
#workhard #livyoung