change

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i am full of emotions. and my eyes are filled with tears. happy + sad. empty + full. i feel like im being cut open + fear ive chosen the wrong choice, to knock down + tear thru. Growth or destruction? construction or destruction? such a difference in definition between two words, but just a matter of perspective. I know my fear is natural, fear of the unknown, fear of growth + that which is out of my control. so ill wipe my eyes + trust myself because if I don't trust me, who will?

Within these sweat laden walls are love + hope, fight + flow. Dreams turned into reality, energy exchanged, connection created, community built. And the reality that anything is possible, even in 1500 feet on the 2nd floor of bond street. And as the walls come down and the space opens up, my heart does too, with new possibility, a bigger team, and all the challenge that comes with it.
and as my wallet shrinks, my dreams grow, so if you wanna buy me a beer, im in. lets drink to dreams becoming to reality. ease > resistance. #workhard #livyoung

to be seen

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Really though, we just want to be seen.
To be acknowledged, regarded, appreciated, loved. Life is all about connection - connecting to ourselves so that we better connect to others without the distraction, the judgement, the affirmation, comparison. To be seen as we are. The more I teach, speak, write, share, liv -- the more i connect. I spread my truth not just to be heard, but to hear myself. And maybe you can relate, or better, learn from my experiences. We all have stories. I share because I’m seeking connection. Thru introspection. Thru me.

People take my class and i do my best to remember their names, because i want to be remembered. I connect thru instagram DM’s, random eye contact on the street, even acknowledging cat calls with a smile. We revisit the same neighborhood restaurants, coffee shops + corner stores — for connection, the coffee becomes secondary. But Connection is a two-way street. I connect because i seek connection.
I see because I want to be seen.
We all do, no?

I dated a guy who slid into my DM’s but didnt follow me, or show any interest in what i share with the world. Sounds petty, perhaps, but im putting myself out there, to let people in. His failure to acknowledge me made me feel less than, or rather, I gave him that power. Truth is, i don’t need anyone to validate my mission if i believe in it myself. and to be honest, i dont follow him either.

I share to connect. And as i put myself out there now more than ever thru my blog, photos, teaching, etc, i do so not for affirmation that i am good enough, but for affirmation that my message is heard: The message that balance is a never-ending journey, a journey that begins within, because we have everything we need inside. that life is messy, but messy is sexy - raw + real. So let's embrace all of it, thru all sides of us, dark + light, fight + flow, resistance + ease, because we are enough, as we are - all done up + all undone.

For better or worse, Social media serves that, as a tool. We want the follow, the likes. the friend accept. So, I use it to share my story. But it is a tool that can be used or abused, and i’m just learning what works for me, thru sharing vs. oversharing. But all that surface shit doesn’t define us or make us whole.  it’s easy to look great in photos, and to like great photos, but how do we connect in real time? We don’t. We are shy. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of judgement. Fixated on comparison.

My mission is to change that. Not because i have found the light. Or the answer. But because i am on the same mission, to be self-defined. But to see others, we must first see ourselves. Drop the comparison, the judgement, the not good enough, the better than.
So are you willing to look within to see what you’re hiding from?
To connect within? To see + be seen?
It always starts with you.

#workhard #livyoung

help

it can be such a dirty word, no? some are afraid to ask for it and others seek answers for everything. Me? i used to refuse a helping hand until confidence escaped me and i drifted to the latter, reaching far and wide for “help” — psychics, shamans, shrinks to give me answers. eventually i came back to me: who i am, what i have + what i seek. So, I’m not looking for help - i’m looking for collaboration.
I’m not looking for a caretaker, or to be a caregiver, i’m looking for a partner.
But seeking outward instead of looking wtihin, for help -- is not my way forward. let me clarify -- we all need an extra hand sometimes, but there is a difference in “needing” help and asking for guidance. In relationships, when one person becomes needy---the relationship is off balance.

When we are our best versions of self, in our flow, our energy attracts just that, different than energy put out in times of need, in desperation. In need, we attract disconnection disguised as connection because it is sourced from a disconnected place, from a place of need.
example: I need HELP for my business to grow.
I need HELP finding the answers.
Or HELP to be my best self.
Or a PARTNER to make me feel full.

Seeking outward is not the way forward.
Some ask for help + others are afraid it shows weakness. it is a happy balance, no doubt. To grow in life, in work + love, i believe collaboration is the key. Businesses stay small when owners suffocate - when they don’t delegate, when they micro mange. Children grow up needy, not self sufficient when parents just give what is asked for - be it help, money, answers, guidance, etc. And relationships end up broken if one party is seeking fulfillment or definition thru the other.

We must be full on our own before we can be full for another. Confidence in ourselves rather than seeking help outside. A man recently asked me how i became so open in life in heart in spirit. He said, when did you decide to love yourself.”? My response, unknown. But i woke up one day and i chose me - like the little engine that could, i think i can i think i can i think i can. Because if you choose to be your first choice, you will be chosen first, and i will never turn back — in life, work + in love. Is everyday gumdrops + happy hour? Yes. and sometimes it is to fuel my life and sometimes it is to fill a void because i’m feeling less than best and seeking help thru sugar or substance to make me feel full. But for the most part, me, as i am, is all i need.
And with that, partnership and collaboration in work, life + love, will just add to the life that i love, the life that i choose, the life that is mine.
Are you willing to look within to see what you’re hiding from?

#workhard #livyoung

50 First Dates - Volume 1

50 First Dates

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Ive come to realize that the best things in life make you sweat. #workhard #livyoung
Heart beating. Sweat dripping. Deep breathing.
Food.
Love. (and sex).
Fitness.

Whatever it is that makes your heart skip a beat --To remind you that yes, in fact you are alive - and human, mistakes included.

Much of this reminder has come thru love lessons, which remind me of life lessons …
no mistakes, just lessons, thru the men ive sweat with, and sweat because of.
Some memories make me laugh. Some make me cry. Sharing bit by bit. So - below is a manifesto of sorts. All in good fun, in the end because each has taught me more about myself, and people in general. What i want + don’t, in a man + in myself. I am unpeeling my layers, as i learn about others.

Short stories below. Names have been changed. And most grudges have been dropped.
And cognizant that there are 3 sides to every story - mine, his + the truth.
These are out of order. And out of sorts. Consume as you wish. Perhaps with a cocktail.
A leopard never changes its spots. We are who we are.
But there are certainly wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing.

12/29/2011

An email to my mother, typed ferociously late night on my blackberry hiding under the covers:

Vail, CO. Early in the game. Fly out to see Beau at his famiIy house for New Years.

I step into this massive mountain cabin. Xmas decorations line the exterior and interior. Animal heads on the walls. I am the only jew. Do they want to wall mount me too? Blond haired trophy wives wearing winter white congregate in the kitchen drinking white wine. pinot noir for me - in my black leather pants, silk blouse and booties. Why fit in when you can stand out? A sinkful of wine bottles on ice graces the corner of the massive kitchen - each bottle emptied and replaced. No recycling in these Rockies. 25 minutes in everyone is red faced. The laughing gets louder, intoxicated howls echoing off the taxidermied walls. Oh and there is food! a massive selection spread across the regal wood dining table extending the full length of the room, adorned with renaissance-esque red velvet thrones. The menu closely resembles every treat recommended via Semi-Homemade by Sandra Lee for the perfect cocktail party. Andrew Cuomo would be proud. cream cheese crab dip with fritos and triscuits, mini sweet and sour meatballs, cocktail weiners soaked in bbq sauce, puff pastry wrapped brie with bubbling brown sugar, water chestnuts adorned with liverwurst and bacon, proscuitto wrapped melon on tooth pics, baby tomato/mozzarella skewers...and for dessert, a crowd favorite: Ferraro Rocher chocolates and candy canes. Conversation drifted from guns to wolf dogs to plans for new years eve in Vail Village. However, I will be at the family home eating oysters, tenderloin, and the pate of pheasant that Beau shot last year.
Shalom for now, Olivia

**the following morning, said mom was supposed to cook new years eve for 20 friends. Too much white wine interfered. So she sat on a kitchen stool and directed me as i plowed thru her menu, recipe by recipe, to complete her culinary tasks. After i was done with my chores, i called my mom, changed my flight, and got the hell out - just in time to start the new year, on my terms, back in new york city.

07/ 15 / 2018
Hot Aussie. J-Date. Skinny Jeans. Entrepreneur.
Sunday night eating sardines or JG Melon no bun with my hands. Text alert - “if you’re still free for a drink tonight, lets do it.” non committal - fit me in, but i was bored. reply, “lets go. Dante on MacDougal. See you in 30.” Tall sexy dark features swoops in like a tsunami with fast moves + fast words. Over educated + Over committed. Rushed to meet on a random Sunday as i sipped my mezcal ever so slowly, and spoke even slower in hopes he might slow down. MIND BLOWN. I used to be him. Rushing to fit it all in. searching. Emotionally unavailable, unwilling to commit to love, yet completely over committed in life. Speeding thru autopilot to prove to myself i could do everything just enough, without digging deeper into anything at all. Because i wasn’t willing to dig into myself. It was phenomenal to see ME --- in real time. Deep conversation and a quick make out in front of mermaid inn, before he rushed off to Mission Chinese — Bold move considering Mermaid’s happy hour line floods to houston street. but there was chemistry, so i went with it. We had dinner once more at via carota. My choice. Branzino for two, verde salad, roast carrots. He anxiously watched his phone in anticipation of a deal closing. It did. We celebrated with another makeout in the park. But his aggressive hands around my neck felt too freaky too late on a tuesday. Dude, i don’t know how they do down under but choking is a lot to ask + your hyper hands can’t be trusted. Aussie, out.

Hurricane

I had this thing for hedgefund guys. It was the power, the money, and their complete utter lack of care for anything in life - besides themselves that drew me in. Sick, i know. but—i could change them, i could win them, i could help them invest in resturant side hustles, and show them how to open their hearts. Funny, right? I met hedgefund during a hurricane. A minor one, en route sunday eve. Random nolita brunch, overpriced avocado toast + cous cous towers with friends + some guy who knew numbers. Nothing epic, at all. I don’t actually think we spoke because he was busy talking shop - typical. Afterwards, we strolled thru soho as the city emptied to prepare for the storm. Silly me, i went along to hedgefund’s new apartment to put away his patio furniture. Light wind + rain trickled down as we hung out on the couch and talked about nutella. And then he came at me - aggressively assuming i was DTF - as if hurricanes grant that permission. I felt like a prisoner in his palatial pool furniture filled flat as the thunder got louder. So i left. I ran home - just about 7 blocks, in the hurricane. He thought i was kidding when i said i was leaving. I wasnt. If i couldnt save him, i could certainly save me. But really Olivia, what did you think was going to happen? No mistakes. Just lessons.

More to come. Comment below.

#workhard #livyoung

empty

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I believe so deeply in humanity.
Connection.
The power of collaboration.
Self love. The human experience.
You are the energy you attract.
You get what you give.
We are better together.
I believe in people. And myself,
roughly 98% of the time.
And sometimes i just feel empty.
Depleted.
Used.
Sad.
Alone.

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See i have this dream. Many dreams. Big ones. To change the way we speak to ourselves. To each other. The way to relate to us + everything around us.
That there is power in perspective, that life is not easy but it doesn’t have to be so hard.
To flow thru the fight. Ease thru transition.  
That there will always be room for more - growth, love, balance. To liv, not limit. Be bold.
Feel everything. So i do. Even the bad.
And 2% of the time i feel used, and alone. Like my sad fridge this morning. empty,
With hints of hope. Signs of celebration. Highs + lows. Bud heavys + bottles of krug.

See i give. So much of me. So much of the time. As a choice. For nothing in return. For no other reason than it makes me feel good. I want to share that energy, emotion, love, self love. Thru box + flow, my words, actions, and my heart + mostly thru my willingness to see people as they are, because i woke up one day and decided see myself.

I am selfish, sure. But you must be selfish to be selfless.
And with all the giving, i realize more and more how often so many just take.
Take what they can. Whatever they can. Take your money, time, advice, beers from the fridge, hand weights, hand wraps, petty cash, corporate card, monthly retainers, take your words + ideas as their own, your assets as their artwork, your methods as their invention, take your heart. As long as it isn’t nailed down, its up for grabs.
That’s when it gets complicated.
You give and you give. And you wonder, who is there to give to you?
So you give to yourself. Whatever you can.

I do not give to get.
I do not show up to fit in.

Im just me. Happy, energetic, open, present, 98% of the time. Its taken a hell of a lot of hard work to get here, but to livyoung 98% of the time, is worth it.
But i stand out. Ive had to accept that people either repel me or welcome me. Judge me, or open up to me. Part of me embracing all of me is accepting that i am polarizing; strong conviction with flexible perspective.
And that ill never just fit in.
And with that self definition, came self acceptance and a small sense of sadness.
And wonder:
How can you be everything to everyone and still be enough for yourself?
I imagine parents might feel like this too. When their children are ungrateful.
When you put yourself out there, people will take. You will harden. And i have.
But i don’t know how to harden enough to hold back. Because i want to lean in.
I want to learn more. I want to open my heart + hold my head high.
I just dont want to get hurt.
Because the more that i give, the more there is to take.
And for better or worse, it hurts, sometimes.
And then i come back to my 98% of hope, and happy. And start right where i left off, but with a few more bruises and a reminder that no matter what,
all i have to be is me. That is enough.
Self definition is your definition.
#workhard #livyoung


power of goodbye


This share is to limit the stories we tell ourselves:
to open our hearts + also protect them from harm,
as love is really a game of risk.
toying with anothers’ emotions is a devilish deed-- resulting in stories and sagas outlasting the natural course of when love affairs begin + end. even worse is trying to convince ourselves that it is a game to win. I don’t believe in mistakes, just lessons -- perhaps you will learn from mine.
Choose to be your first choice, and you will be chosen first.

In terms of the story —
after letting it sit for a bit, i can laugh, but learn because i have done this before. A romance short lived: chased by a man i wasn’t all that interested in—moreso intrigued, then opened my heart after telling myself stories. I love love - courtship, companionship, sharing + caring. But it leaves me wondering what i have not considered within, that i continue attracting unavailable creatures. If i am chased to open others’ hearts, (see post), who is here to care for mine?

A reminder to us all: to keep our hearts open, heads high, mindfully.
No mistakes, just lessons.
This story as a gentle reminder of the power of energy -- Do not seek what is not seeking you, no matter how elegantly it is presented. Find clarity between ego + heart, when it comes at you strong, when you are pursued or pursuing. Because love, while risky-- is meant to fuel hearts, not fill egos. A shared journey - rather than a self prophecy, reiterating the stories we tell ourselves. There is no chase, no win, no goal. It is a forever kind of feeling.  
A feeling which is not present, in this story, in this now.
So i have found the power of goodbye.

An end + a beginning

This ride has been fun. Random outreach. Instant connection. Excitement from the beginning. Thrill of the chase. Learning, touching, sharing, tasting, traveling, experiencing, but your heart is not open, so I must go. Im seeking a man who wants to be mine. A man. To care + take care. To listen and share. To provide comfort and excitement. To be my man. A partner first, lover second, learner third. I think we have the order skewed.I want a man whose flexibility is ever present. Willing + able to bend, not break. In more than just business. Rigid structures built on faulty foundations crumble quickly when there is a small crack. I seek more. The thrill of the chase is not thrilling to me. I want a man who is available to support my endeavors, be my critic + my fan. I want a man who wants me as I want him. an equal partnership. So while I have no answer to this short lived love affair, my solution for now is simply ciao. And thank you for being who you are, even if you may claim to seek more, the power of myth is powerful. Your actions are strong, your conviction is real, you go after what you want. And I dont feel your conviction enough in me. There is power in goodbye. Best wishes, all love. I’ve shared my heart + now i must protect what is mine.

A lesson to us all: Trust your intuition. Do not seek what is not seeking you. To know yourself is to grow yourself: Simply put, I knew it was over when it was over, and i allowed it to carry on two weeks too long. But even before that, sleep was stolen from me the moment i felt my gut keeping me up, my intuition leaving me restless at night, anxiously warning me that this love affair was not right. No harm, too surfaced to form a scar, just a small bruise that will heal in no time, leaving a small memory, in a chapter of my never ending story.

Protect your heart from hurt. But do not fear risking the possibility of love.
**and even with a little bruise, i got some good content. :)
#workhard livyoung.




fuel or fill?

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How do you liv your life? Spend your time?
Filling or being fulfilled?

Are you going thru the motions or making the most of what you have?
Fueling or filling?
connected or disconnected?
When you are connected to you -- your core, your desires, dreams + necessities, your perspective shifts. Your conversations change. Your relationships evolve, beginning with the relationship you have with yourself. it starts with you.

When connected, you are present in choosing to fuel your life instead of fill it. To fuel your body with what feels good instead of filling it with instant gratification of food, or sex or substance or the like. In connection, you fuel your time with work and love rather than fill it with placeholders + distractions to take up space. So-

Do you fuel or do you fill?
Your time. Your body. Your relationships.
Your work - does it fuel you or fill you?

With love: Is it comfortable or compatible? Does it fill space? Or do your relationships make you better? Fuel your soul? Challenge you to think different?
Or is it just physical love? The act of needing to be loved. For fear of being alone? maybe its just sex. And sex can fuel you, fulfill you, physically. But it can also fill - take up space + time, for fear of actual intimacy beyond just getting laid.

With work: Does it just fill time? Time spent pushing papers or fielding orders for something you aren’t passionate about. are you filling time watching the clock, pondering a dream you leave undiscovered? There is no thing wrong with not being passionate about what you do -- but there is concern if a job is tirelessly taking your soul. You can justify that it serves its purpose and provides you with what is needed to afford the life you liv, but match that with a hobby, a passion, something to fuel your soul. Your time is your life. Consider how you spend it.

With food: We’re humans. We love what we shouldn’t, eat what tastes good. treats and booze and make that a super size. But let’s consider digging deeper here.
What feels good - for you, in real time? How does your body respond when you feed it? Does it feel fueled or filled? When do you eat? When you’re hungry or bored or insecure or all of the above? Do you go for the 3rd cocktail because you aren’t working tomorrow or the first beer because you have an hour to kill? A slice of pizza on the go or the 4pm cappuccino or candy sugar rush? Instant gratification is delayed dis-ease. Take a second. Get present in the decisions that you make. Are you fueling your body or filling it?

We seek outward instead of looking within as a natural habit, as a human race. The cookie when we’re sad. The beer when we’re bored. The text to the ex when we’re feeling less than fulfilled. What if we switched our habits?

there is also the potential of finding magic in monontony- shifting our perspective to see what was once filling time as something that begins fueling your life. changing routine, challenging conversation, spicing up the sex, walking a different way to work. small changes make big differences. Your perspective is yours to switch, your choice.

Do you liv or do you exist?
Your work. Your time. Your life.
Your body. Your heart.
Are you fueling or are you filling?
Consider looking within. See what you see.
#workhard #livyoung




l o v e

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Life is exciting. Especially in emotion. With feeling. For someone, or something. A new flame. A new job. A new neighborhood.

In new attraction, a feeling that might become a connection, forever or fleeting.  Because everyone wants to be wanted. The only thing better, is if that wanting is mutual. the only thing real, is the ability to feel -- out of our thoughts, into our bodies, to maybe even open our hearts. Feeling is feeling, in real time. No planning allowed.

I assume we all find it curious when we are sought out, particularly in the game of love. Unabashedly so, i asked what prompted his outreach. he met my vulnerability with his own + answered, “i thought you could open my heart.” briefly blindsided, i considered what a burden to bear -- to open anothers’ heart, considering how challenging it is to open our own.

This led me down a mental maze of memories, relationships past -- emotions and wonder. Our emotions are our responsibility. Even allowing someone the power to “hurt” you is placing responsibility on another. When we are hurt in love, did we enter into those partnerships hurting? If it is true that we date ourselves, when we date an insecure human, we are also insecure. No one can fix you, or make you full. You must be full, first. And once full, the choice to let love in, relies on you.
But, we become hardened as we grow -- and take on the world, as the world takes us on. We resist opening up, scarred by past experience or guarded by fear of judgement or failure.
We carry the weight of our family history into relationships and hide behind our stories of hurt + heartbreak. The intrinsic childlike aura of love, sharing, caring, laughter + tears becomes costumed behind closed off adulthood, fearful of pain.
We are so fearful to feel yet we constantly crave connection.
How disconnected!

Fundamentally -- we are animals, born to procreate, physically inclined to touch + feel. We eat with our eyes. We want what we see. That carnal attraction is chemical, hormonal, and in real time, unplanned. -- to touch + be touched. But physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain long term love.

And while i don’t know much, i can tell you only thru my experience, that If you don’t want to f*ck on the first date, there is only a small chance this will change. So, no matter how great they look in photos, how good they look on paper, or how normal their family seems, or that they treat you like gold-- if you have zero interest in ripping their clothes off when you are STONE COLD SOBER, get out. we are all animals. Sexual chemistry cannot be justified via resume or dating app profile. You just gotta feel it.  

Once the physical checks out, then check under the hood - within + without. To find love is to feel love, for yourself first. fall in love with you: dark + light. good + bad. We all have demons. Embrace those too. It is thru darkness we grow. Self love allows for shared love. And with love, in love -- you open, you blossom, you share. Selfish to be selfless, because what is love without sharing, Everything: Laughter, conversation, success, failure, food, experience, emotion, desire + fear. and what is life without love? Lonely. To be loved, is to love. To be vulnerable is to be open. To be messy, sexy, raw + real. To indulge + devour, physically, mentally + spiritually.

and in love, you grow into or out of — together or apart. If energy pulls you together, you grow in love, and evolve together -- into better versions of yourselvesin a journey, an evolution, a discovery of us and our counterpart thru time + change, stability + unpredictability, trust + vulnerability. With unseen circumstances + unpredictable personalities. I recently heard someone say, “If you want love, be lovely.” Funny, but it resonated. And in all this love lesson, i dont think ive ever been in love. loved? yes. And obsessed, infatuated, yearned, and lost. But when you love your life, you become love. A hopeless romantic, we are the energy we attract + i feel so much love. But there is always more. To get + to give. There is nothing more real, then the ability to feel. Out of our thoughts and into our hearts. In real time. just like life, or a @boxandflow class, “it isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard.” ease over resistance, even in love.

#workhard #livyoung

officially o l i v i a

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Officially olivia. And changing everyday. Same me, but always different. Completely unpredictable. And totally unplanned.

We’re living in this age of infatuation. Outward obsession with appearance, testing ourselves to decipher real from fake. Which makes it even more thrilling to check under the hood, look within, and be open to learn more about you --- everyday.

Because connecting to you, results to deeper to everyone + everything around you.
This weekend thrilled me.
I opened up
And threw up
Was vulnerable in conversation, emotion, action + reaction. Vulnerable in teaching. Present in everything. Present to the point of indulging in 5 drinks, 5 drinks too many, and spending sunday AM, after teaching and during teacher auditions, throwing up in the box + flow bathroom, just after crying out of gratitude + fear, to a familiar stranger, in bed nonetheless.
To know yourself is to grow yourself.
To test your limits, and others. To learn more about you, everyday.
I’ll tell you this much, i’ve never felt so alive. And so nauseous.
I pushed boundaries, tested limits, ruffled feathers, and had mine ruffled.  
What do you do when interesting conversations come up and go down?

Wouldn’t life be boring if we didn’t allow ourselves to feel? Sad + surprise. Hope + hurt. Filled + fueled. Grateful + disappointed. I felt all of it. Within 24 hours. Laughed, cried, indulged, unhinged, messy in everything. All dressed up + all stripped down, and the one thing that stayed the same throughout. Was me. As i am. Same me but always different. With heart. And head. Crazy and composed. Officially olivia. As i am.

integrity

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Consistency creates commitment. Commitment creates change.

Truth be told, the longest relationship you have is with yourself -- If you consistently commit to yourself, your relationship with you changes. Harshest critic or biggest fan? Can you find balance in both? As our own worst enemies, it is unsurprising that our biggest challenge is standing up to ourselves. to face ourselves to free ourselves, show ourselves to be seen
And share ourselves with others, as we are.  

When you stand up for yourself TO yourself and TO others: when you ask the tough questions, answer honestly + stand your ground, you set a precedent. That precedent is a catalyst. the hard part becomes easy.

Thursday was an action packed, fun filled 20 hour day: 20 hours that disguises the most labor intensive part: me standing up for myself,
First to myself, and then to four others,

To protect my heart.
To protect my words.
To lead with integrity.

Box + flow is the vessel thru which i share my story, teachings + lessons:
strength, struggle + celebration. Duality of self, grit + soft. Messy as vulnerable, vulnerable as sexy. Shedding resistance, opening to ease, seeing yourself as you are. This balance, of fight + flow is (the #hardwork) that results in a feeling, #livyoung. My teachings are my words. Twice on thursday, my words were taken + used as one’s own. Without malice, no doubt, but taking intellectual property is the same as taking a bike. If its not yours, don’t take it. Rather, ask permission to borrow - and cite the source. I share my words, just as i share my heart. But, simultaneously must protect what is mine. We are so accustomed to letting things be, we talk ourselves out of protecting what is ours, we make excuses, take fault or blame, in all situations - work, life + love.

 "Shut up insecurity. Go away fear. Olivia, practice what you preach." and i did -- 4x, twice to protect my work and twice to protect my pride. I confronted my fear, spoke my mind, reclaimed my self respect, embraced the 3 seconds of discomfort in honor of me. Simply put, “you stole my shit -- my words, my feelings, -- no matter. same as confronting someone who stole your bike. When someone steals your work, your words, your emotion -- face it. Speak up. That feeling is real. And while it would have been more “comfortable” to let it be, i faced the discomfort to #flowthruthefight.

Why was i afraid to speak honestly, to be vulnerable?
Why are we so accustomed to making excuses when we are wronged?
Excuses delay the inevitable. If i had not said anything, I would still be thinking about it. commit to you. be the change. confidence is a choice -- as is insecurity. standing up to yourself, for yourself, is the hardest part, But once you choose you, Everything hard becomes easier. And if you don’t, Who will?
#workhard #livyoung

there will be time

I find i'm always teetering between moving too fast, worrying im moving too slow, and sometimes just feeling stuck altogether. I race to an unknown finish line, fixate on what didn’t happen and then come back to the constant reminder of ‘forever moving forward’...without getting stuck in past or future, rather being present in the process.
My reminder to be present is often also to slow down, take it all in, see the sights, feel the feels, taste the taste, hear the words, speak with purpose…
Pace > race.
Ever plan what you’re going to say without even letting the person finish speaking? Not listening, just planning.
Or assume an outcome of an interaction before even walking thru the door?
Because how we do anything is how we do everything, for me at least.
My default is to hurry, over plan, over commit -- suffocate even.
Our desire to control is real.

So i come back to my reminder of the power of presence.
Why eat, or rush to fill, if you don’t slow down + taste?
Why enter into a conversation without even listening,
just planning what to say next?
Why workout if you rush each movement, and plan the next,
without feeling your body work in the now, breath by breath.
We plan a wedding before the first date on the “idea of someone,” a job before the entry interview,
or saving the outfit for the “perfect occasion.”


We are so fixated on outcome - past or future.
Back to the present, my reminder to pace > race is real.
i run slower, eat to taste, date to love, sweat to feel, talk to listen, sleep to refuel.
I am here, now.
But as much as i write this for me, i also pose the question unto you.
I'm asking you to look within at your patterns, habits, excuses and tendencies.
Because if don’t ask, you won’t know.

I see it in my class at box + flow,
People rushing into the next pose,
Or giving up before its over
Or waiting for permission to start,
Or focused on the clock for all of it to end,
We are so busy planning what is next
That we miss the best part
The juicy center. The last bite. The punch line. EVEN our intuition giving us all of the answers we seek...
Because we are so busy focusing on everything else, except the NOW,
but now is all we have.
Pace > race. Present in everything.
Mumford & Sons said it best: "There will be time."

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opinion

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When you open up, opinions come in.
Funny how that works.
I got home last night from a nonstop day of sweat, stilletos + sardines, too sauced from one mezcal negroni to bother cooking. Elated from a day well done - nothing epic but not too shabby, and looking forward to rest before repeating it all again. But luck would have it that before i shut off my toys, a text would tip toe in, takeover my restful state and result in a restless night. An opinionated text, sent with good intentions, from a texter met in passing at a dive bar in montauk over bud heavys + stale gumballs: “as a 3rd party business owner, your Insta feed is way too much. Seems like you are a TRY HARD.
you are all over the place. not to insult or be mean, just feedback.”

Shot in the heart. For a second. A Deep breath in + quick consideration of his opinion.
Funny, my instagram is my own expression, me being me. no effort at all. trying to be anything else would be much more difficult. Rather, i take boomerangs at the beach, sweaty selfies lookin like a sea monster, instastory my sweet potatoes to start my day, sneaker pics from where i stand, smoothie recipes, work drama, love lessons, life lessons + the rest of it, the hard work + the celebration, always seeking balance. I choose confidence over insecurity and share life thru my lens: nothing manufactured, curated or planned. Sometimes i question my caption - and then claw thru my insecurity: what am i worried about? If its honest, to me, then its real. And if it sounds crazy, its because im a little crazy.

I dont photoshop, autocorrect or edit. My best writing is impulsive. When i fixate on detail and ask too many opinions, my message gets clouded. So - I just post. The good. The bad. The happy. The sad. Perfection is no longer a goal. How you gonna have a goal that aint real? I’m sharing a glimmer of life as i know it, sometimes “all over the place,” - my struggle + success, how i work hard to #livyoung...thru confidence + fear, ease over resistance, to find celebration in the smallest of things. Life, as i know it, is usually all over the place -- extremes in a sense -- always aiming to meet back in the middle --- to balance, to connection, to myself. I am me. Just as you, are you. Self defined. The best people are often the ones who don’t always make the most sense.

Opinions are powerful, because they are yours. Share them. Lets discuss. and also discuss why judgement, comparison + insecurity are such an epidemic. People try so hard to please others. Ive been there. And i wont go there again. instead, i accept me as i am. actually, i celebrate me, ALL flaws included. I work hard to find balance, to be present in this moment, full well knowing that nothing will ever be as calculated as that because we are human -- complex layered creatures with emotions + needs. We are dark + light, ego + heart, connected + disconnected. life is not that linear, curated, or “all in one place.” And i am incapable of influencing people otherwise, Rather, i will stand behind my message of authenticity, of what’s under the hood, in my caption, in my story, in my heart.

Authenticity is honesty.
It begins with how you see yourself. Because perception of others,
is a reflection of self,
it always comes back to you.
Self definition is your definition.
Me? Im just tryna be me. I am as quirky as i seem. As put together - and pulled apart as i look.
Our best versions of self are not what is most aesthetic. They are what is most authentic.
And my bill of goods is as real as it gets. Messy is sexy. Lean in or opt out. Any questions?
#workhard #livyoung